Derek

As some of you have read on facebook the past couple weeks have been rough, I said I'd post more details about it in the blog, but I keep putting it off because honestly I don't know what exactly to say or how to say it... Steven & I both think Derek may have Aspergers.

After thinking about all Derek has gone through, his attitude, behavior etc. my first thought was he might have Tuberous Sclerosis Complex, TSC, the same disease that my sister has. However, the more research I've been doing(which has been hours and hours every night) Steve and I both feel it may not be TSC and are leaning more towards Aspergers.

We've made him a Dr's appointment on the 21st, I was going to wait until then to post something so I could have something more substantial, but my friends know me too well and have been bombarding me with messages asking if I was ok.(I love you guys!) They say there are steps when dealing with bad news, an illness, etc. Denial/Isolation; Anger, Depression, & Acceptance. I think this is 100% spot on.

I've always heard that boys and girls are so different etc. so when Derek wasn't doing things around the same age as Elora was I didn't think much of it, I knew boys & girls were different and all kids were different. Then his speech was really delayed, which a few months of speech therapy helped. He would also get so upset so easily and then whine & cry, again I thought this is normal toddler behavior, and just thought he got frustrated because we couldn't understand what he was trying to tell us and it would get better as he got older. (I guess this is the denial part, although honestly I never really thought about my son having Aspergers)

For a few months now he tries to tell us something but gets stuck and repeats the beginning of the sentence, like if he is trying to say I want a drink, he'll repeat "I want" a few times before I tell him slow down and think of what you want to say and then he'll say it.

At nap time, he has been a ninja and sneaks into other rooms, on Sat he got into all my makeup and nail polish, and while the majority of it was on him there are bright pink nail polish spots all over our bedroom carpet, when we asked why he did it he just replied with "I wanted to wear makeup" he didn't think it was wrong and when we explained that it was very naughty I could tell he just wasn't understanding. Derek has always snuck things into his bed, some of you may recall the purple puffy paint incident, again we just thought it was contributed to toddler behavior.
He has a hard time sleeping, he won't fall asleep until like 9 or 10, wakes up a few times throughout the night and then is wide awake at 5, also again I've heard of some kids being great sleepers and others that aren't.

Derek's been going to school for 3 hrs every day for about a month, and last week we've been pulled aside at the end of every day by his teacher and she tells us his behavior is terrible. When asked to stop playing and clean up he replies with No and carries on what he's doing. At carpet time, he can't sit still and always is touching the other kids. I met with Derek's teacher today and she said he does show some signs but at this age it is hard to tell whether it's just a lack of maturity, or just lack of concentration, or if it is a degree of Autism. So we agreed that he'll go on an IEP, and they'll start praising his good behavior and rewarding him with stickers and then during carpet time he'll be pulled along with 4 other students who are also struggling and have their own carpet time. So at least the school is willing to work with him.

The past couple of weeks, I've been heartbroken and I think I will be for a while for him. I think about his future and what kind of life he may live and I get angry. He won't be able to enlist in the military, how will he do in college when it's so hard for the average person? Will Derek ever truly be able to be on his own?  So many questions and only God knows the answer. I am trying to be patient for/with him and teach Elora & Dylan patience. I think this is going to be my biggest struggle so for now lots of prayers for Derek, and for us.

Derek just celebrated his 4th Birthday!! He's having a Batman Birthday party on Saturday where 12 of his school buddies will be attending! :) Should be tons of fun!! :)